Prompt: “Looking-glass, looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?” – Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, the Brothers Grimm.
Here I stand in front of the cold hard glass. The window is open and the chill of the outside world clears the fog from the steamy mirror.
I look at myself – really look. There standing before me is a dark cloud, the black spot upon my soul. I wear my birthday suit as my towel drops to the floor. He stands there in his black leather jacket and perfectly formed physique with complete and utter repugnance painted upon his face.
“What a pathetic excuse for a living being!” he shouts at me. “Look at you, fat, hairy and disgraceful.”
“But,” I begin to protest.
“Oh, no, don’t do that, little one,” he hushed me, “the grown up is talking now. I’m piloting this plane now. You had a chance and failed, and I was watching all along. Lurking in the shadows and the dark corners of your mind. Or as you like to call it, your – Wonderland!” The creature sat the word out in a mixture of laughter and spite. “Pathetic.”
I look down at my feet and then look up at the ceiling for I can’t bare to look down at my body.
“Disgusted, too? Look down at it. It’s your fault, all of it yours. I should have taken over years ago. Well, I guess I did let myself out little by little. I hate you, meaning you must also hate yourself.”
“No…” I whimpered, a tear falling down my cheek.
“Oh, you fool. We are one and the same. Think of me as your darker side, your shadow. I’ve been with you all our lives. The difference between you and I? I see you for what you really are – a worthless waste of space and life.” The beast leaned in closer and blinked, his eyes clouds of black smoke all over. “I am you.
“You are not confident,” he carried on, “you are weak, stupid. All your friends hate you, too. They think that you’re annoying and you drag them don with you and your negativity. I am dragging you down. But they’re not really your friends anymore though, are they? You decided to distance yourself from them because they deserve better. You see the joy in their eyes from afar, of course they’re happier now that you’re not there. Forget being positive, it just isn’t for us, it never lasts for long any way.”
“Alone, isolated in a room full of people. Not worth helping, not worth saving. Every time I try I fail. I’m worth nothing to anybody, least of all myself.”
“Now you’re talking,” the monster chuckled wickedly.
“No,no, you said that.”
“Oh. No, sweetie pie. You said it – we said it together.”
“I’m talking to myself.”
“All to yourself.”
“In my head.”
“In your head.”
I no longer knew who was saying what.
The monster seemed to have gone, but no he was still there. I stared into the eyes of my reflection and knew that I was the beast in the dark.